ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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