Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
