NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Randomize