Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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