Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
