Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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