some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
