he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
