This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize