Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
