he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize