Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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