you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
