her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
