Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
