can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
