Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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