You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
