Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
