singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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