I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
