you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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