So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
People in love make me want to vomit
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
