He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i came on her dog
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
