i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
