I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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