Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
