just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
