Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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