??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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