I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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