My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
