dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
