oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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