If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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