I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
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