You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
