Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
