There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
