I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
