Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
