I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
