she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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