Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
