Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
