I smell stomach acid.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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