Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You are the jesus of drinking
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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