: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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