she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
