i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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