apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
