you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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