Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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