I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
