i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
