every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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