Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Pooping to opera.
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