..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
