I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
