So drunk its hurt
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
