I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
