We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh god it's open bar.
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