Nicole vs. Life
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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