Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
