You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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