She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
