Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
