I'm laying in your front yard are you home
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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